Unrelenting Headache, Unrelenting Cough

Wednesday night, my headache started along with my worsening cough. I would take Motrin and my headache just laughed in the face of Motrin! I tried sleeping it off, but how can I sleep with this unrelenting cough? I tend to avoid things that happens or food I eat while or on the way to being sick. Tuesday, I had a chiropractor appointment. I wonder if I got adjusted wrong and it caused this horrible headache. I have appointment on Monday. If my headache does not disappear, I would probably stay away from a chiropractor for a while. Not because they did anything wrong. But because I just operate that way.

On another note, my husband bought me this shoes. It is so cute. However, it is not comfortable at all. My little toe on both sides hurts even seconds after putting it on. I cannot figure it out because the shoes appeared wide. I have pointy stiletto and I was expecting pain there, but there isn’t. I would probably return it, except it shipped from China. I surely don’t want to wear it again if it makes my feet hurt. I don’t want to ruin my feet for my other shoes. Like this one below for example.

I know it appeared uncomfortable, but I can stay on this shoes and not think about it for at least 5 hours. The creepers is my daughter’s. She loves shoes that are not tight nor high. She also wants to be taller than I am, but since she’s only an inch taller than I am and won’t wear heels, it is a given that I will be taller than her whenever we are together.

I also really like this Milwaukee Motorcycle Boots my husband bought me. It is heavy and quite unyielding. I thought it would be uncomfortable and painful to wear. It is turning out be my favorite casual shoes. It has about 2 inches of sole in it. I am the girl on the extreme right with the black shoes. I wore it so see G-Dragon concert in Houston on July 19. Took a day off work to drive down to Houston. My daughter came and took this picture of me and my Filipina friends who live in Houston. It was nice to hang out with them for a couple of hours before the concert. While this boots is heavy, it is comfortable once I got used to the weight of it. Here is a closer look at it:

Sick As A Dog

I do not know what that means. Tuesday, I woke up to a sore throat and a beginning of a phlegm build up. My dog Italia is also having skin problems. He's on steroids and other mess to keep the skin inflammation down. But we have to keep changing medicines because it would stop working after a while. I think it is related to the grass in our backyard, so we only let him out in the inner courtyard where there is no grass. The problem is his brother France only want to roll around in the grass, so Italia would play in the grass with him. The day after, he's all red and itchy and sick looking.

I am sick differently. I have productive cough and I would cough for minutes at a time. I cough my way from 2AM to 7AM this morning when I was trying to sleep. In fact, I only cough when I am trying to sleep, talk with someone, or in a room full of people. It is the most annoying thing. It is not bronchitis, yet. I went to the doctor on Thursday. I received codeine and an antibiotic. I have taken DayQail which works for a time. Then I found in my medicine cabinet a Mucinex DM. It expired a month ago, but it is good for 12 hours relief. I took it. It made me woozy but I survived a round of court hearings with minimal coughing. Same with the wedding. I took expired Mucinex DM 12 hour relief, a Motrin, 2 packets of Emergen-C and zycam. Went to a wedding and cough from 6PM until the wedding started. Did not cough from 9PM-11PM, then started again and couldn't stop for 8 hours. Yay.

I wore red to a wedding and my daughter wore roses and skulls. That's so Chana. My mommy of five gut was showing up in the dress. I shamelessly wore it anyway. With my favorite beige Nine West strapped stiletto. We stayed at the wedding til after 11. We dance and talk to people and have good time.

My daughter and I stopped by ALL ABOUT CHA located in 250 RANDOL MILL AVENUE, SUITE 140 – (817) 562-4222 in Southlake before coming home. They make us tea less than 30 minutes before closing. However, they serve it to us in a plastic cup when I know they have those cute tiny glass tea cup for service. How much time would it take to wash those tiny cups? I was watching the time. We plan to leave 5 minutes before closing. I cannot decide whether it would have been better if they said no to our buying tea at 11:26 PM than to give us subpar service when I know they could do better. Also, why put closing time at midnight if you only give crappy service to anyone coming in at half an hour before closing?

The upside is, they still steep the fruity oolong I like correctly. It was delicious. Even in the paper cups they gave us. Would I bother coming in there again when it is close to closing time? Probably not. The service made me feel like I was asking for a handout when I was paying full price. They are officially open. There was no call to make me feel like I was in somebody's house and was asking for a free tea.

I Do Not Like The New WordPress App Interface

I can't post pictures seamlessly like before. The image editing is iffy and awkward. It turned out like I only like to post if I can have pictures to go along with my words. But posting pictures in this new whatever-this-is is not working for me. I hope it gets better. I can't even figure out how to add notes to pictures. I am not tech-savvy. Maybe someone will make a YouTube video hack on this but for now, I am not a happy blogger.

The view outside the window at the clerk's office in 95th District Civil Court in Dallas County.

Anyway, I think I caught cold/flu combo. I got this annoying back-throat drip and it is making me cough. I have a wedding to attend on Friday. I am either going to have to be drugged up or not attend. Who wants to hear someone coughing their way to a wedding? I hope there's a combo of drugs out there that would keep me from coughing for at least 4 hours. DayQuil is making it possible to attend hearings. But still, the coughing is annoying.

And now the picture is too big for the post. Ugh!

I Am Gaining Weight

I noticed that some of my size 2 tops are fitting tighter on me. I went to the scale and noticed that I have gained some weight. It is fats but it is not on my breast – which would have been lovely, thank you – but on my back. Ugh. So, I am going to start watching I am eating that’s doing this. Making my carefully selected work tops tight on me. My daughter suggested that I write a food diary or write down what I ate. The only issue I have with that is having to do it. Yes, I have my cell phone and I could easily do it in theory. Having to actually do it is challenging.

About the only thing I have been deligent about recently is watching my Korean Drama and making a list of it. Only because it is not a daily thing. I know I should do the food diary.  But first thing first. Stop eating so many cakes and party at every cute and pretty coffee shop in town.  I see a lot in the course of my job.

The WAFFLE ICE CREAM at ALL ABOUT CHA in Southlake Texas

That is number one. I find so many coffee and tea places all over town. After a court hearing, I would stop by and have a taro latte and some pastry.  In addition, I would come home and eat all the bread and pastry that I bought.

Coconut bread from 85C BAKERY AND CAFE

On the pretext of work, I would park myself in a cafe.

Walnut brioche, white-bean-stuffed pastry, and hazelnut coffee at ECCLESIA in Carrollton

Self control. I know I have come a long way and I appreciate that it is an accomplishment to lose 10 dress sizes. Now, I just have to keep it. It seem fair that I should work at keeping my size 2-4 since I did not have to work going to this size. I was just watching TV and then I lose the weight. 

Le Suit Size 4. I definitely like this size better than 14. I have proof in my closet

That said, my daughter bought me NY Cheesecake pancake from IHOP. I should have taken picture of the pancake. It was so good that I didn’t even think of it. I am proud to note that I stopped at eating just one. I was only going to eat half, but it was unusually good.

We Like Indian CuisineĀ 

My version of Biryani Masala beef. I did not add yogurt on the dish.

My husband and I yelped for a place to eat in Frisco and come across O’DESI AROMA at 8448 Parkwood Blvd. Suite 500, Frisco TX 75204. We tried two items on their menu and a dessert. We enjoyed it very much. My sister’s friend from India sent me some Karahi and Biryani Masala spices. It has been sitting on my shelf for about a month when I thought it was time to try my hand at making it. What is pictured about is my version of it. I have to take out some of the ingredients because of diet limitations. I think it turned out great because it looked pretty and my family (picky eaters that they are) ate all of it.

This is the appetizer menu called Makhani Arancini. It was very good. I think it has cheese and vegetables and covered with panko and fried.

This is the Makhani curry, with thick tomato in it. My daughter liked it very much.

This is the dessert that is like a donut soaked in water. We liked it but I personally think it was too sweet.  But, I drink everything sugarless…so it is probably the right amount of sweet, just that I like my food to have less sugar as possible.

This is the Lamb biryani. My son did not like it too much because he’s 10 and he prefers burgers.  I am trying to expand his palate but he is a stubborn baby.

Saturday Date With Chana

Chana and I like to eat at TASTE OF KOREA. It is located at Korea Town off George Bush and Old Denton Road. The same parking lot side at H-Mart. We ordered a $13.00 galbitang or beef rib stew.  With the sides and rice with it, it’s all that Chana and I can manage to eat. We barely finish this. I did eat all sides except for that one on the bottom left. I like the seaweed sides in the middle of the left side pictured here. I even asked for a second serving. Chana puts pepper paste with her soup. I find it too spicy if I do. I just watch in amazement how she likes her food spicy. 

We went to ECCLESIA afterwards. Chana got her Hazelnut coffe and I got my carbs on. Although I should slow down on my carbs. I noticed one of my size small under-the-suit shell is a bit tight on me. I like it here in size 4. While in law school, I was wearing size 10-14 and that was about 40 pounds of added weight to my small-boned petite frame. However, carbs in bread and cake form are just so delicious!  I also like sitting in cafes and doing my work. I like how grown up that feels. I usually go alone so I can decide how long I am staying. I guess I am practicing for when I travel alone. Something that I cannot picture myself doing. I always drag my daughter along. However, I can see the attraction of traveling alone. I am not sure I can do it really. I like company.

What I bought: the round things is a pastry stuffed with white beans and the bread behind is at a walnut brioche. I like the vanilla brioche that 85C BAKERY makes. This walnut version from ECCLESIA is tasty and different. I hate to think how much calories these are running around my body.  They are fun to eat though.  I hate exercise. I tried yesterday on my elliptical machine because of that tight blouse. I couldn’t even last 10 minutes. The only option left is eat less of my favorite pastry so I won’t have to go up a dress size. Boy, am I a little obsessed with my weight. I have gone up several size scale. Starting with 75 pounds and double 0 dress size at the age of 24, to almost 180 pounds with my 6th pregnancy, I have run the range of sizes. I like it here better at 4. 

Graffiti by Yoel, I’m Pretty Sure

I have been walking up and down the stairs for over a dozen times since September 20, 2016. Today, I finally paid attention to this writing on the wall. I looked at the handwriting. I am pretty sure it is Yoel’s. That carefully formed letter. There was the same writing on the back on his closet. I need to take a picture of it before I repaint the walls. Maybe, I will leave this spot unpainted and shelac it for protection. 

Yoel listened to Amazon Music which came with Amazon Prime subscription. I was very sad that he deleted all his playlist before he went. His phone was cleaned out too. I wish he left me his letters or his diaries. It looked as if he had torn off the written pages of his diaries and tossed them out. I sometimes worry that I am talking and thinking too much about the child who is gone rather than the children I have here with me. I cannot help it. He’s never far from my mind. All throughout the day, I think about my children in one form or the other. 

However, when Yoel comes to my mind, it is markedly different than when I think about Chana, Yoav, Yossi or Yoash.  Thinking about Yoel come with guilt, regrets, pain, happpiness, nostalgia and a whole potpourri of emotions.

If I remember correctly, on the back of Yoel’s closet are the worlds: “this family is full of…” the last word is blackened out. I am thinking of erasing it lightly and finding out what was written there. Although if Yoel is anything like me at that age, I would have written the word “shit – if I wa unhappy” or “love – if I was happy” and a range of words in between. 

It is now 290 days since Yoel went. I have only dreamed of him once. On my birthday last February 26.  I would like to dream more often about him.  I would like to hear him talk with me in my dreams. Talk with me like when he was a lived and we would just talk about everything and nothing.

The choices of stone for the TOMBSTONE or GRAVESTONE or whatever they call it. The bottom line is, it is going to mark the location of where my son is buried. I would have preferred shopping for his car. Yoel’s car.

Today, my husband and I talked with a person at the Cemetery to buy a headstone for Yoel’s grave. It is going to be unveiling in about 70 days. I dragged my feet about purchasing one. Today, before my appointment, I just realized that this is just one more thing reminding me that he’s no longer in my living world. I sat in my car for 20 minutes and sobbed. I sobbed so hard, I cannot get words out of my mouth. It felt like he died all over again. I did not want to be there. I did not want to be selecting stones for his grave. 

But as a mom left behind, it is what I have to do. I have no idea being dead can cost so much money. Yoel is burried in the Jewish section of the cemetery. The headstone that would span the three plots we have there cost anywhere from 11K – 15K. I wanted to get him the colors of stones he usually picked when we pick stones in our trip. Yoel is careful with his money. I am very sure he would be hurried at how expensive everything is.

As I was sobbing in my car today, I noticed that for about a couple of minutes, both my arms with numb and tingly. The same sensation when the blood rushes back after a circulation has been cut off. I should ask my doctor later just to make sure. My youngest is only 11 years old. I just cannot leave my children until they are grown.

We stopped by and saw Yoel’s grave. There is a small marker that was placed there on the day of the funeral.  The headstone will go to this spot later. Maybe, Chana will visit the cemetery when the headstone is in place. I would hate for my other children to forget about Yoel. I am sure they won’t, but they also do not mention him often enough. I think.